A Tale of One Pity: Reevaluating Arsène's Goon-Squad

When MŠK Žilina striker Babatounde Bello slipped a fast one past Chelsea keeper Ross Turnbull Tuesday night, surely the sentiment reverberating around Stamford Bridge could be likened to the ominous expression: “Here we go again.”

The Blues, who were coming off their worst run of form in recent memory (three losses in four matches), had breached yet again and found themselves trailing 1-0 at halftime to an opponent of less quality for the third straight match. This, compounded by the mysterious dismissal of assistant coach Ray Wilkins two weeks ago, rumors abound this week suggesting manager Carlo Ancelotti had tendered his resignation only then to have it rejected by the board, and a languid string of performances, did not bode well for Chelsea, a club evidently on the brink of pressing the panic button.

Little did the reigning Premier League champions or their supporters know that another London-based club some 19 hours and 49 minutes southwest by car (according to Google Maps) had already pressed it.

Manager Arsène Wenger’s Arsenal (does anyone else think it’s bizarre that the first name of Arsenal’s boss is eerily similar to the name of his club? No? Okay then), who were looking to erase a painful 3-2 collapse at home to Tottenham at the weekend, appeared to be sitting pretty late in the second half in a scoreless affair at Braga when Mexican striker Carlos Vela went down in the box, evidently as a result of having been tackled by one of the Portuguese club’s defenders.

The Gunners, who thrashed Braga 6-0 at the Emirates back in September, finally had their breakthrough, and one forthcoming Cesc Fàbregas spot-kick was all it would take to ensure both victory and advancement in Europe’s most prestigious football tournament.

But it didn’t happen.

Instead, Vela was booked for a dive, and the chance to seal progression to the knockout rounds of this year’s Champions League evaporated in the blink of an eye. Well, actually, on the foot of a 27-year-old Brazilian known simply as Matheus.

The Braga attacker with the 99 shirt found the back of the net twice in the final seven minutes—including an emphatic clincher in stoppage time—and threw Arsenal’s hopes of progressing to the final sixteen of the Champions League for the eighth-straight year into doubt. The victory put the Portuguese club even on points with Arsenal (9) and made certain the final matches of the group stages will mean something, if not everything, for both teams involved.

That being said, looking ahead to Group H’s final match day slated for December 8, Arsenal still should advance. On that fateful day they will be home to winless Partizan Belgrade, while Braga will make the long journey eastward to frosty Ukraine to take on group leaders Shakhtar Donetsk (12 points). Simply put, a loss is almost as unlikely a result for Arsenal as a win is for Braga.

But still, just what exactly is going on at the Gunners camp? And more directly, what is the issue with Arsenal?

I had the distinct privilege this past weekend to plop down in an Irish Pub and take in the aforementioned flop against Spurs. While nursing my first stout, Samir Nasri and Marouane Chamakh frustrated a rather paltry Tottenham side and gave the Gunners a 2-0 lead at the break, reassuring their manager and fans that they were still one of the Premier League’s toughest nuts to crack.

Then, Gareth Bale cheekily sneaked one past keeper Łukasz Fabiański to open the second half, Rafael van der Vaart added a penalty shortly thereafter following an inexplicable handball by Fàbregas, and Younes Kaboul’s deft header capped off what could be deemed either a remarkable comeback or a pitiful collapse.

Maybe it was the Guinness warping my vision, but I’m more inclined to believe it was the latter. Either way, the pallid performances changed sides after halftime, and this North London derby went to Spurs for the first time at Arsenal since 1993.

So I’ll ask it again (because I just realized I didn’t answer my question at all): What is the Gunners’ deal?

Well, for starters, they have little clout. I mean, is there anyone on that squad that’s going to instill legitimate fear in an opposing backline? Nasri is talented, but lacks strength; Fàbregas at the moment seems to be most invested in his reunion with Barcelona, his foolish handball speaking volumes about his lack of focus for his current club; and Robin van Persie hasn’t been fully fit since Hanson was popular (the sad thing is, that’s not far from the truth).

Secondly, they seem far more concerned with style than they do with results. I have watched a handful of Arsenal games this year—including the 2-0 loss to Chelsea in early October—and what they lack in the scoring department they more than make up with flair. But that’s not a good thing. I really can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched them pass the ball to death around the perimeter of the box before it either breaks down or is finally thwarted—all of this coming before anyone has even attempted a shot on goal. The game at Stamford Bridge supplied more than enough evidence to support that claim.

Thirdly, remember that comment Fàbregas made this summer about Arsenal lacking the drive and desire to win trophies? He was right. This should come as no surprise with Wegner’s continually placing style above results in the club’s pecking order, but if not for that reason, Arsenal simply lack both bite and an appetite for dominance, unlike foes Chelsea, Manchester United, and even Spurs.

Is it because they’re (still) too inexperienced? Too French? Or too frugal and adamant about spending big in the transfer window? It could be for one, if not all of those reasons.

At the end of Tuesday evening, Chelsea had struggled, but ultimately had won against inferior opposition, despite fielding a lineup overloaded with mere children. Arsenal, who had put forth their typical starting XI of youthful veterans, ultimately lost to decent, yet still subordinate opponents and are one loss away (this weekend at Aston Villa perhaps) from being in a bit of trouble. The difference between Arsenal and other prolific clubs such as Chelsea? It might be as simple as team makeup or as complicated as collective desire. Whatever it is, Wegner must identify and then ameliorate the problem swiftly, or he and the rest of his contingent of followers can be assured of yet another silverware-less season at the Emirates, home to one of the flashiest, yet most unfulfilling clubs in all of Europe.